A lot of people give me shit for not having the ability to forgive. Their explanation for it is that life is short so why spend it holding grudges? That's a great way to look at it, I guess. But think of it this way, if life is so short, why would you want to continue waste energy on the people that has done you wrong in the past? Isn't it more reasonable to leave them out of your life to focus on and keep the good ones that hasn't wronged you? Of course it might have been a great relationship/friendship, or that it was good while it lasted, but that just helps you appreciate it more when it's gone. There's a reason why it ended.

I find humor in the fact that the people you expect to be there for you, not be there, and the people you'd least expect to be there for you, have been there all along. And I find even more humor in the fact that all people that I strongly detest are the people that were once very close to me. Trust me, I don't drive people away. It might seem evident that I can't exactly keep one stable friend on a high level of companionship over a period of time, but that's because in one way or another, there has always been an incident involving betrayal. What other reason can it be? I do not dislike anyone without strong reasoning. I'm a very blunt person, and I'll tell you what's up from the get-go. If I don't like someone, I will make it very obvious and ridiculously uncomfortable for them, just in spite of them. I've done it millions of times before, and I don't feel ashamed of it at all. I've never had any one of them confront me, because whoever it's concerning knows the reason why I'm doing it, and knows very well they sure as fuck deserve it.

The highest element of civilization, I believe, is respect. Initially, before anything, you must have self-respect. I mean, it's fine to have an ego, just don't let your ego become you. The strongest suite of self-respect though is obviously, pride. I admit I do have too much pride, but trust me, I rather have my pride than anyone else. Because, honestly, at the end of the day, you're going to still have your pride and nothing else. Seems extremely egotistical does it not? But to analyze this, you'll find it true. I mean, if you don't respect yourself, who the fuck else would? But I'm not saying that I put my needs and myself before anyone else, it just means that I won't back down from anything. Another aspect of respect that I've really come to undertake is to respect everyone fully when I meet them; they will, regardless of any situation, have 100% of my respect. It's not hard to earn it at all. But once you lose my respect, it's impossible to regain it.

It really doesn't matter who played the victim and the suspect. You know the cause of the destruction between us and don't play dumb and act innocent like you always do. I know your routine way too well. You search around for someone who you know can manipulate to sympathize you, and then you would play that pity card we all know too well. It plays out to seem like I'm the cause of all of this and that you're just "suffering the consequences, and that you've done all you could to save it." Obviously to you, this friendship isn't worth saving. So be it. You can't even take me seriously enough that you have to undermine the whole situation and underestimate my volition of terminating things. And on top of that, where the fuck is your integrity? Let alone self respect or pride. How desperate do you have to be to ask me for help knowing the whole gravity of the situation? Selfish. Miraculously selfish. This time, I'm not going to tend to your needs. I'll let someone else do the dirty work. Have a good life. And to be honest, I don't mean have a good life.

jvo