I've done the most damage that I'm capable of to the three most important relationships of mine in the past few days. Once I get started and vent, it's so hard for me to stop. I know I should swallow my pride and amend things, but that's just now how I operate. It's funny how these three people are the ones that help me through the most dilemmas, and now, I'm not on good terms of any of them. There's been breakdowns, but I'm fine now, and that's all that counts. I can honestly say I can survive without them, not that I want to, but I'm capable of doing so. You know why? Because at the end of the day, you're going to realize after all the destruction and shit that happens, all you got is yourself. I've learned to depend on no one, but me.

Actions speak louder than words. One tiny move is 29834203948 messages in one. I over analyze, blow things out of proportion, and then overreact. OR that's just how you perceive it. The way I see it, you're showing me you don't care, you don't appreciate me, and you don't need me; how else would you react if that's how someone made you feel? I'm so tired of always putting your feelings into consideration and before mine, where you don't do the same for me. I understand that that's how you are, and that's how you've always been, but sometimes, it would feel nice to not feel like I'm being taken for granted. Our fights keep getting worse every time. I'm scared that that's going to be the reason to drive us apart...for good.

You constantly say I'm your first priority. Cut the bullshit, we both know you have your priorities fucked up. Yet, somehow this is all my fault, isn't it? I'm always the wrong one. You always say how you have to be the first one to talk to me and you never forget to remind me that I'm stubborn, but I'm just not stubborn for any lame reason. This issue isn't something that popped out of thin air, it's been on my mind for a while, but I just haven't voiced my concern. It's all this anguish that's been suppressed, that now that's all out, it's very uncontainable. I'm not being selfish and want all of your time, but you have to realize what position you're putting me in. What kind of best friend is it where I have to be SCHEDULED to hang out with you a week in advance? And than being blown off? You, out of all people, should know that's my number one pet peeve. I didn't want it to get to me, so I never said anything because I know that if I do say something, it would seem as if you feel forced to hang out with me, or that you're obligated to. That's not what I want. But with the way things are going, what's the point of me even picking up my phone?

My mom and I have been bickering back and forth for days now. The arguments get worse every time. She amplifies the mistakes I make, but never praises the nice things I do. It's all part of growing up, I know, I just don't want to grow apart.

jvo