When Harry Met Sally,

harry: i love you.
sally: how do you expect me to respond to this?
harry: how about you love me, too?
sally: how about, i'm leaving.
harry: doesn't what i said mean anything to you?
sally: i'm sorry, harry. i know it's new year's eve. i know you're feeling lonely, but you just can't show up here, tell me you love me, and expect that to make everything all right. it doesn't work this way.
harry: well, how does it work?
sally: i don't know, but not this way.
harry: how about this way? i love that you get cold when it's seventy-one degrees out. i love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. i love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're lookin' at me like i'm nuts. i love that after i spend the day with you, i can still smell your perfume on my clothes. and i love that you are the last person i want to talk to before i go to sleep at night. and it's not because i'm lonely. and it's not because it's new year's eve. i came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
sally: (feeling manipulated but also melting) you see. that is just like you, harry. you say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you, and i hate you, harry. i really hate you. i hate you.

I was going through some old blogs and I stumbled upon this from Julia's Xanga. So credit does go to for her this. But When Harry Met Sally must be one of my all time favorite 80's movie. I had this phase where I played it every night until I fall asleep. It's just really cute.

Thursday was Dianna Chavez's Service. I know I wasn't close with her, but I am with her sister Kristina. It just really hit me, because when I walked in the morgue, I saw the hurt and pain in her mom's eyes. It just felt so surreal to see her body laying there. She looked so peaceful. They were praying in Spanish most of the time, so I had no idea what was going on. Stayed there for sorta long time. Sitting there just made me value life so much more, in some weird aspect. It's heartbreaking to hear her story, though. Suicide. I think the biggest trip about it all was that she died on Phoenix Nguyen's One Year Anniversary.

Thursday night, Tony got into an accident. It was a DUI. He's in Theo Lacy Jailhouse right now. Sentence is a month. Right when we get Chris back, we lose Tony to the system. I had a really uneasy feeling that night, too. I should have voiced my concern. Everything is going wrong. I miss you already, Tony. Gonnna visit you this week, so see you sooon, babe<3

Friday, I didn't go to school, yet again. I slept in for a bit, and was only going to miss first period... but then it turned into missing second period... I originally had a doctor's appointment at 2 after school, but my mom came into my room and told me just to miss school and go to the doctors. Went to the doctors to get the preventional HPV shot. It hurt soooo fuckin' badd... The needle is the size of a fuckin' pen I swear to god. My arm went numb and it made me really dizzzy. Afterwards, sat in my car for a bit to refocus. Then drove home and knocked out til 4. Woke up and went to Mile Square to meet up with the guys. They balled and I went running. Afterwards, came home and just went online. Started getting ready. Anthony Le didn't pick me up til like 11. They're laggers, I swear. We met up the guys at Stater Brothers. They were going to head to Khristine's to drink. Anthony, Derrick, and I went to some Karaoke Bar to say happy birthday to one of his friends. Met some new people. Drank a little. Left to Khristine's. I drank sooo much.... Thanks to Quang and Chris! FUCK life. I spent an hour in the restroom upstairs yakking my brains out. And then another hour sleeping in Khristine's room. We left around 4AM, but we had to take someone home that fuckin' lived in Europe. Didn't get home til like 4:45.

Hahah, Kenny texted me and asked me if I needed him to hold my hair for me. Love that niggger. He seriously is one of my closest friends, now. I don't even know how, because I don't trust that easily... I'm comfortable enough to complain about my period and dumps and everything to him. Hahahah. On Wednesday, we didn't talk for two days since Monday, and when he imed me on Wednesday, we both said the exact same thing. "TWO DAYS NIGGGA! FELT SO WEIRD!" HAHAHA. We both agreed he's the girl version of me, and I'm the guy version of him. Hahhaha.

Saturday, I stayed and slept in bed all day. Had the worst hangover, everrrrrrrr. I had a headache and that lingering feeling in my stomach. Urgh. I just went to the gym. First Saturday in a while that I stayed home. FUCK LIFE.

Valerie got me an interview at Tapioca Expresssss! Yayyyy! Tomorrow, fosho.

Tomorrow, gonnna be with Tifff. We're gonna look for her birthday outfit, and probably some crawfish. Horrrible... One pound of crawfish = 1000 calories.

Besides the minor crawfish setbacks, I would say that I'm dedicated to this diettt. Consumin' less than 1000 calories and working out everyday. Ask me how many calories anything is, and I'll probably be able to tell you. I also carrry a carbs guide in my purse whereever I go to check if I should eat something or not. Meat texts me before he eats sometimes to ask me! He calls me a Walking Calorie Counter.

On Friday when we were at Stater Brothers meeting up, Carlos was like "WE NEED MORE GIRLS TO COME OUT!" And Quang said "LOL Jessica is the only girl here, huh!" Carlos said "Nahh, she's one of the brothers, niggga." In some twisted way, it made me smile. Hahaha, they respect me like a girl, but treat me like one of the guys. I love them.

Lately, I've been listening to The Dream a lot. When I say a lot, I mean a lot. All his songs are on repeat! I even did an english project on one of his songs... Ha,

It's totally ignorant how you completely ignore me now. Just because we can't be more than friends, doesn't constitute the fact that we can't just BE friends. I respect you as a friend. I already told you that you'd be wasting your time. I'm stubborn as fuck. This is where I say "I told you so" and that I already warned you. Once I've made up my mind, it's practically irreversible.

At NK's Party on Friday, Peter went with Andy and Kenny. He met Lindsey and didn't know that we had shit. So when he found out she went to Los, he asked her if she knew his "homegirl, Jessica Vo", she responded with "Yeah! I hate that bitch!". Peter called her a bitch and just walked off. That's why I love Peter! Hahah, so cute I just want to fold him up and put him in my pocket!

I watched High School Musicial 3 for the first time. It melted my hearttttttt! I cried :( When Troy drove that thousand miles and missed his prom just so he can have his last dance with Gabriela, it just melted my heart! It's just the little things that Troy does that makes me fall in love with Zac Efron. Especiallly when he turned his cheek waiting for Gabriela to kiss him, he surprised her and kissed her before she could kiss him. SOOO CUTEEEEEEEE.

I always rant on how confused I am with things between us. I give up on trying to make sense of what's going on. Sometimes I just have this mindset where I think it's over and done between us. But there are times where I just feel like nothing has ever even changed between us. Maybe it's suppposed to be this complicated, this complex. I really don't know. I know we're considered nothing, but that still doesn't stop me from feeling guilty everytime I meet new guys or when guys ask me for my number. But when am I going to give up? Aren't I supposed to give up when more pain is nduced than happiness? Shouldn't this be where I put my foot down? No, my foot is firmly floating up in space.

I'm not asking for a relationship or any of that exclusive shit. I honestly don't even think I'm emotionally strong enough for that. Valerie says I'm too prideful to be in one. She's right. But sometimes, it's just nice to have something stable for once in my life. I, sometimes, just want to settle.

It's five in the morning and I'm in a mood to blog. I can't sleeep, even though I'm exhausted. Already laid in bed for about an hour with everything off and I still can't sleep.

I guess this blog is just a recollection of the greatest and worst things of my week.

jvo